A Birthday, an Allergy Test, and an Amazing Big Brother

Last week Logan turned two. We celebrated with pizza, cake and a water balloon fight. I'm finally starting to admit that my second baby is no longer a baby. He is a happy, passionate, always-hungry, always-moving little boy. Somewhere along the road, he turned into a Daddy's Boy. He asks where Jeff is when he's not around, and his enthusiastic exclamation of "DAAAAAAAA!!" when Jeff comes home from work is completely adorable and melts Daddy's heart every time. He is Jeff's little shadow. When Jeff isn't around, he's Carter's shadow. And when Carter is unavailable, he's my shadow. When did I become a last resort?

But I digress...

Along with a birthday comes a doctor visit. And since Carter is allergic to peanuts and a few tree nuts, I thought it was time we had Logan tested. The doctor agreed that we should test him for peanuts and a variety of common food allergens. A lot of blood is needed for allergy tests, so they had to take it from his arm. To get a two-year-old to hold still for a blood draw, they strap him to a board with Velcro (kind of looks like a big swaddle). This was a little horrifying to Mommy, but Logan handled it like a trooper. He only whimpered a little and signed "all done" with his other hand. It was sad, but it was over before we knew it and Logan got down to business examining the cartoon band-aid.

Today, the doctor's office called with the results. The tests were negative. All of them. No allergies. I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I was just thinking about emailing Jeff the news when Carter, who had overheard the message, piped up. "Negative? What does that mean? Does Logan have a peanut allergy?" An I stopped short as my eyes welled up with tears.

You see, in the last three years, Carter has mentally processed his allergy in several ways. He's asked questions about why he has an allergy and why other kids don't. He's pretended that he is not allergic to peanut butter and everyone else he knows is. Once, I looked a worksheet that he was working on and asked why he had crossed out all the chickens. He told me that they were all allergic to peanuts and that they had eaten some and so they were "all gone". Yikes. Because he doesn't have regular interaction with anyone else who has a peanut allergy, he feels like he's the only one in the world.

So, in spite of the fact that Logan's diagnosis (or lack there-of) is a wonderful thing, I was suddenly struck by the fact that this could make Carter feel even more alone in his situation, so my words tripped over each other as I tried to explain and make it "ok" at the same time: "No, Logan isn't allergic to peanuts, but he still won't get to have them because we still won't have peanuts in the house. So nothing is going to change."

Carter responded, "But it's good that he's not allergic to peanuts. That way, if I ever get not allergic, we can have them."

"Yes," I said, "it's good that Logan isn't allergic."

And that was the end of our conversation. What a kid. I am thankful that Logan appears to be allergy-free. And I'm thankful that Carter is handling it so well. I have such great kids.