Monday, December 19, 2011

Christmas

Christmas preparations are in full swing around here! All the presents are not only bought, but thanks to some help from my hubby, they are wrapped and sorted by event. Some Christmas cards are in the mail, and another round is getting set to go. Carter and I just made a batch of cookies and hopefully we'll do another batch tonight. I love it when December goes this way. Some years it doesn't--sometimes the before Christmas to-do list gets done around December 29. Or parts of it don't get done at all. But every year I look for ways to make the list shorter and easier in an attempt to focus on the more important things.

We are looking forward to spending time with both our families this Christmas and New Years. We have so much to celebrate. At Christmas, we celebrate our Savior's birth. And as we look back on a year filled with challenges and blessings, we celebrate Gavin's health, Jeff's steady job, and some of the most amazing family and friends anyone could hope for. We are truly blessed.

As I look forward to the new year, I pray (1) that we will not use our health insurance nearly as much as we did this year. (2) that if we do, God will continue to give us peace and help us trust in him. (3) that He will continue to guide our little family to trust Him and serve Him. And (4) that we will be faithful stewards of the three amazing boys He's given us, consistently making decisions that help them grow into men of God.

Merry Christmas, everyone! And Happy New Year!

Monday, November 21, 2011

Catching Up

First things first. Gavin is doing really well. It's been almost three weeks since the surgery and he is just as happy as ever. The minor issues that we were concerned about after the surgery have taken care of themselves. I took him back for a follow-up with the surgeon today and it was uneventful. The surgery didn't throw off Gavin's development in any way, and he is getting better at sitting up on his own. He is also rolling and scooting backwards, so we can no longer trust him to stay put when we leave the room. Christmas decorating will be interesting this year!

We've had a lot going on at our house, and I haven't really felt like concentrating on blogging, so I've been negligent lately. I'm going to try to do a few blogs soon about what's been on my mind lately, but here's a quick recap of what we've been up to in the last few weeks:

My parents came up a couple days before Gavin's surgery, and as long as we had the extra hands, we decided to blow insulation into our attic. It needed to be done very badly and there was no other time to do it, so we did it the day before surgery. 'Cause that's how we roll. That same day, right on cue, the floor drain in our basement backed up. (It happens every once in a while--always at the most inconvenient times.) So while Gavin was in surgery, Jeff was on the phone with a plumber. The drain got fixed (hopefully for good this time) and we were able to concentrate on taking care of Gavin.

My parents stayed through the start of the next week and then my brother and his family came for a visit the next weekend. We had a fun time with them and the cousins always love to see each other.

Since then, we've been taking a break from projects and we're concentrating on every-day stuff. It's been really good because I've been feeling disorganized and really "out-of-it" for a while. Hopefully the cloudiness in my head will continue to fade and I'll be able to relinquish my self-proclaimed title of "World's Worst Kindergarten Mom." More on that later...

One Thing I'm Thankful For: A Late Thanksgiving Post

One of the things I have been exceedingly thankful for over the last year is my friends. I am always grateful for the wonderful people that God has put in my life, but have been particularly aware of these blessings in the last year. I have been itching to publish these pictures to illustrate my point, so ladies, I hope you don't mind!

I love this picture. It was taken a little over a year ago at a baby shower. Can you guess the common denominator? (Hint: Look at the ladies on the left.) Yep, all seven of us were pregnant, and we were standing in order of our due dates. There were two other women at the shower, and they had had babies within the last year, so we can't blame them for not jumping on that bandwagon. Some of these women I know well; others I am just getting to know, but I can't tell you how grateful I am to have these friends to encourage me and bless me as we raise our kids together.

Here is another picture that I will cherish forever. This was taken on the day we dedicated Gavin. We were privileged to have two other families dedicate their children in the same service. These families are not just people who happen to go to the same church, they are families that laugh with us, love us, and support us. These ladies are two of my closest friends, and I am so glad that these children, who are less than a month apart, will be growing up together.

So much to be thankful for!

Sunday, November 6, 2011

At Home

Thursday night was another good night in the hospital, so we felt good about going home on Friday. We got the ball rolling for discharge as soon as possible in the morning, but the pharmacy held us up and we didn't leave until almost noon. We were so glad that we hadn't tried to leave the night before.

Gavin has been doing very well at home. He slept a lot the first day, but is getting back to a more normal amount already. He is off pain meds for the most part. The boys have enjoyed having grandparents around to entertain them while Jeff and I take care of Gavin and catch up on things from the short time we were away. I've enjoyed having grandparents around to help with cooking, cleaning, and running errands.

Gavin has had a couple of small issues that we think will be resolved soon, but we'd love prayer for them in the meantime. Every once in a while, he spits up small amounts of blood. We called Dr. Saltzman, and he said that it could be due to the tube that was down Gavin's throat during surgery, but we should keep and eye on it. Also, he occasionally wakes up suddenly, crying like he's in pain. These episodes don't generally last long enough for the Tylenol we give him to kick in, so I'm not sure what causes them or what makes them go away. Hopefully these things will just resolve themselves soon.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Hospital, Day 2

What a difference a day makes! Yesterday, Gavin slept the entire day in between pokes, checks, and medicine doses. He slept well last night also. This morning, he woke up ready to eat and after a bottle, he was ready to face the world. He was wiggling, reaching for toys, and he even gave us a smile--something we hadn't seen the day before. After Gaivn's chest x-ray, Dr. Saltzman stopped by, reviewed the x-ray, checked Gavin's fluid drainage, and suprised us by saying that things looked so good he could probably go home today.

A doctor came by in the early afternoon to remove the drainage tube. He ordered another x-ray for 6:00 and told us that Gavin could be discharged after that or we could stay the night if we were more comfortable doing that. We hadn't even held Gavin until the tube was out--we'd been givng him bottles of pumped milk instead of breastfeeding (And I never want to see my pump again.), so we thought we should work on that a little bit before going home. We also know how slow discharge can go, and we didn't want to arrive home at 9 or 10 and have to get settled and figure out how to take over medication dosing, etc. while we were half asleep. So we opted to spend the night and Gavin will be discharged in the morning.

Praise God everything is going so smoothly!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Surgery Day

Right now Gavin is sleeping amidst tubes, wires and monitors, and he is minus one bronchopulmonary sequestration. Our little boy has been a trooper today. Everything went well; he is on the mend; and we should be home in a few days.

We started the day at 3:00 AM, wich was the last time that I could feed him. He went back to sleep; I did not. We had to be up at 4:30 to leave the house at 5:00, so I was just thinking too much to sleep. I wasn't anxious, just alert. We got to the hospital at 5:30 and got checked in ok. I was concerned that Gavin would be screaming by the time he went into surgery, since he hadn't eaten since 3:00, but he did really well--he only fussed once in a while. We met with a variety of nurses, anesthesiologists, and the surgeon. Gavin charmed them all. At 7:30, it was time to send him off to surgery. He did very well and so did we. We really felt comfortable and at peace with the whole process.

The nurse called us once from surgery to let us know everything was going well. Before we knew it, Dr. Saltzman showed up to let us know that the surgery was done and Gavin was in recovery. He brought us a picture of the artery that had been feeding the mass. He was impressed with the size of it: "Almost the size of the aorta," he said. The tissue that he removed was about walnut size. Gavin hardly lost any blood though the surgery. The scope worked well, except that one hole had to be wideded at the end of the surgery to remove the mass.

Gavin had apparently been very "uncomfortable" (hospital-speak for in pain) when he got to recovery, but the nurses had given him morphine and had it under control by the time they brought us in. He's been getting regular doses of morphine since then. We can tell that he is in pain when each dose starts to wear off, so we'll keep that up a little longer, but by tonight, we might try something not quite as strong. The biggest discomfort, and the thing that will determine the lenghth of our hospital stay, is a tube draining fluid from his chest. When the fluid buildup slows down and the tube can be removed, Gavin should be able to go home. The doctors expect that to be in 2-3 days.

Thank you for your prayers, everyone. We are blessed by you all. Please continue to pray for a speedy recovery!

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Surgery Date Confirmed

We met with Gavin's surgeon, Dr. Staltzman, again today and were very pleased with the results of our meeting. Now that Gavin's CT scan has been read and we are all on the same page (had a little bit of trouble with that the day of the scan), we were able to talk specifics about the surgery. We had already talked to the scheduler and gotten November 2 reserved for surgery, but we weren't sure we'd get to keep that date. It turns out, though, that we can! We are so relieved to have an end in sight and we can stop wondering how long this will be hanging over our heads. Not only that, but it is much better for us, financially, to have this done before the end of the year.

Dr. Saltzman was pleased to see how big and healthy Gavin is. He is going to try to do the surgery with a scope, but warned us that the instruments are not made for infants and there is about a 50/50 chance that the scope won't work and he'll have to go in through a larger incision in Gavin's side. While they don't see babies with bronchopulmonary sequestrations every day, they do frequently open up babies' chests to remove things that shouldn't be there. (All kind of jokes come to mind, but I'll refrain.) So in other words, Dr. Saltzman does this type of operation frequently and Gavin is in good hands.

We have been told to expect 2-4 days in the hospital and Jeff and I can stay with him the whole time. Since the Amplatz Children's Hospital is brand new, it sounds like the accommodations are pretty nice. I was surprised to learn that Gavin should be able to nurse as soon as he wants to after coming out of surgery, so I will be able to hold him at least for that. There will be tubes and such to work around, but we've done that before.

Long term, we expect Gavin to make a full recovery. The surgery will remove much of his lower left lobe, but there will still be part of the lobe left, which will grow and fill in the void. He will function as a completely normal little boy.

Please continue to pray for us and our wonderful little boy. Pray that we would continue to be at peace with this and trust God and Dr. Saltzman to take care of Gavin. Pray that Gavin stays healthy prior to surgery. And pray that God works in us and though us during this time.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Bifidous Regularis

Last Wednesday night, the boys and I were headed out the door to go to church when my nose detected that Logan needed a diaper change. I hauled him upstairs, trying to go fast so that we wouldn't be late. As I instructed him to lay down on his bedroom floor and got out a new diaper, I realized that we weren't just dealing with a dirty diaper, we were dealing with a diaper explosion. I'll spare you the details and just give you a list of the things we cleaned that night instead of going to church: Logan (twice), the bedroom floor, the bathroom floor, the tub, Logan's clothes, and my socks.

On Friday, there was another incident. Not nearly as bad, but it got me wondering what was up. Logan seemed perfectly healthy except for his powerful poop. Jeff and I were both at a loss as to what would be causing these incidents.

Then today at lunch, Jeff looked at Logan eating his yogurt and asked, "Has Logan been eating a lot of Activia lately?"

Oh.

You see, last time I went to the grocery store, we needed yogurt, and me, being the bargain hunter that I am, found some coupons for Activia and bought some. I know full well what they advertise. In fact, my Dad and I have laughed over their secret ingredient "bifidous regularis." What kind of genius came up with that name? If you've never thought about it before, take a minute. You'll get it.

I wrote it all off as a bunch of hot air. Most products don't do what the marketing team claims and I was sure that this was no exception. It's just yogurt. So I didn't think twice about giving it to Logan. And he liked it. He really liked it. And ate it every day.

Even after two diaper incidents, I didn't put two and two together until Jeff asked me how much Logan had consumed. Poor Logan. I think I'll head to the grocery store now to buy some bananas. Hopefully that will counteract the "bifidous regularis." I guess sometimes you can believe what you hear on TV.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Life is a series of changes, but for our family, last couple weeks have seen quite a few more changes than usual. Some are little and some are big, but regardless, this adds up to great fun for me. I actually welcome--and tend to thrive on--change. I love change in our routine and change in my environment. So here are some of the changes that are energizing me lately.

- Getting into the school routine.
I was concerned about the early mornings, but it's actually been quite good for us to get up, get going, and be ready for the day. It's also nice to have Jeff's help in getting out the door--something we wouldn't have if we had to leave for school later. I will certainly change my tune when the weather is 20 below, but for now, I'm really enjoying it.

- Wednesday night activities have started at church.
Jeff is still helping with the Jr High; Carter is now old enough to have a class; and I am helping with nursery some weeks and attending a parent class when I can.

- Swimming lessons.
Swimming lessons are on Tuesday and Thursday, so having to be done with dinner and out of the house by 6:15 three evenings in a row (with church night sandwiched in between swimming lesson nights) is going to be difficult. Fortunately, swimming lessons only last a month.

- Bunk beds!
Last Friday night, we moved Logan's crib into Gavin's room and assembled bunk beds in Carter and Logan's room. We inherited the bunk beds that Jeff's dad made for him when he was a kid and our boys are so excited to have them. So on Friday night all the boys, even Gavin, slept in new beds and it went really well. Nap times started out rough (It took Logan two hours to fall asleep the first day.) but are going much better now.

- Rice cereal
Gavin is now eating rice cereal and loving it! I wasn't excited about starting him on solids before six months, but we are doing it in an effort to beef him up before surgery and hopefully help him sleep a little better at night.

- Jeff did away with his goatee.
Random thing to include on the list, but my husband looks different. I notice.

-It's time to get out the warm/bigger clothes.
Last week I dug through the huge pile of diaper boxes that comprise my clothing organizational system and pulled out seasonally-appropriate, size-appropriate clothes for everyone. It's fun to get out the warm, snugly clothes and I'm getting excited about fall cooking, too.

- We painted the trim in our kitchen. One step closer to done.

- We've gotten serious about buying a minivan.
By this time next week, chances are I will be a minivan-driving mom. We've been thinking about this change since we found out that Gavin was on the way, but have managed with our mid-size SUV until now. Getting Carter to and from school has finally pushed us over the edge. I'm not enjoying the backup that happens behind me in the drop-off lane when I have to help Carter unbuckle (because his buckle is underneath Gavin's car seat and it takes some tricky maneuvering to get to it) and open the door for him while he crawls under his brother's legs to get out.

I have actually rationalized my way to thinking that minivans are cool now. Just in time. ;) No offense to those of you who drive one; remember, I am joining you.

So, anyone in the market for a 2000 Nissan Altima?

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Gavin's 4 Month Check-up

Stats:
12 lb 15 oz
25 1/2 inches long

Gavin is slowing down his growing a bit, but that is on par for my kids at four months. Since he is waking more to eat at night and we want to bulk him up for surgery, we'll be starting solids soon. I can't believe it's already time for that.

We looked at the report from Gavin's CT scan and learned that the BPS is contained in his lower lobe, so we know that both lobes of that lung are there. Unfortunately, that's all the additional information we got from the report.  I talked with the doctor about our upcoming meeting with the surgeon and got some ideas on what kinds of questions we could ask, so I'm starting our list for that meeting.

The shots went well, and he didn't spit up all over the nurse when she gave him his rotovirus vaccine like last time...so it was a good visit. :)

Kindergarten

Carter had officially started Kindergarten!

Last Tuesday, we attended an open house to meet his teacher and look around his classroom. We also had a short conference with his teacher on Friday to talk about Carter's strengths, challenges, and what she could do to help him succeed. While we were waiting for our turn (a wait that turned out to be rather lengthy), Carter struck up a conversation with an aid who was working nearby. It so happened that she was to help out in his classroom a few days a week. I think she was amused by him. Leave it to Carter: he's already making an impression on the staff. :)

Carter was excited for Monday morning to come. We got him dressed up in his uniform, took lots of pictures, left the other two boys with Grandma and Grandpa (who were staying a couple extra days after dedication weekend) and he and I were on our way. He led the way to his classroom and, after helping to unload his backpack and get him settled, I left him all alone in the great big world of Elementary School. It didn't phase him one bit. He was more than happy to see me leave and get his Kindergarten career started.

I, on the other hand, got choked up on the drive home. I spent the morning thinking about what he was doing and whether or not he ever paused in his chattering long enough for the teacher to get a word in edgewise.

When I went to pick him up, there he was, holding the hand of the aid he had befriended last week, excited as all get out about Kindergarten.

On day two, Carter learned that the all-day Kindergarten kids get to have lunch and school and do gym class. We had tears. Why, oh why, he wanted to know, did he have to be in half-day Kindergarten? Couldn't we change it? Please?? With day three under our belts, the love affair with Kindergarten continues, and we are still getting requests to change him to full-day. Fortunately without tears now, though.

Today on the way home, he informed me how to say "good-bye" in Latin. Don't ask me to repeat it, I can't. But I thought, it has begun: my child knows something that I don't know. Something Jeff or I didn't teach him and couldn't teach him. This is the tip of the iceberg. An iceberg that apparently begins with "good-by" in Latin.

Dedication Day

Last Sunday, September 11, we dedicated Gavin. It seemed a little strange to be dedicating a child on 9/11, but also very appropriate. What better way to declare that we have hope and a future, that we are not afraid, that we trust God. We are reminded that God holds Gavin's future and he couldn't be in better hands. While I would like to be the ultimate authority in Gavin's life, I don't understand as well as God does what is best for Gavin and how to take care of him. Jeff and I cannot be with him always; we cannot guide the surgeon's hands; we cannot protect him from Satan's schemes. But God can do all that an more, so we dedicate him to God's care. We also dedicate ourselves to bringing him up to know Jesus and to love him. That is an awesome task in our world, but with the help of God, our church, our family, and our friends, we will do everything we can to achieve that end.

We were also privileged to have three other families at our church dedicate their babies on the same day. Three families that are near and dear to us. Families that support us, love us, play with us, and advise us. We are reminded once again, that we are blessed with a wonderful church family.

On a more humorous note, we only had two hiccups in the process. It's quite a task to try to get a four-month-old to not be hungry (but not fed too recently; spit-up is still a major issue) or tired at a specific time of day. He cooperated nicely though, and we managed it. He did, however, spit up a flood on to my skirt when I fed him just before the service. So as we sang worship songs, I swished my skirt like a four-year-old in an attempt to dry it out before going onto the stage.

Also, I was concerned about Logan behaving himself. I wasn't too excited about bringing an energetic two-year-old in front of the congregation surrounded by a stage full of tempting toys like drums and guitars. I picked the wrong child to worry about. Carter didn't try to play with the instruments, but he was very bored in the two minutes that we were up there, and Jeff had his hands full trying keep him from laying down on the stage and rolling around.

And last but not least, one of the most adorable moments of the day was watching Logan during the worship songs. He's quite the little copycat, so as we sang "I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned..." he looked around at many people with their hands raised and raised his little hands, too. I wish I'd gotten a picture, but instead, I just teared up and enjoyed the moment. I hope before long he's raising his hands with full knowledge that he is lifting his hands to the Lord.

What a good day.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Sapshots from the last coouple weeks

It's been a while since I've sat down to blog. Here are a few things we've been up to.

The weekend before last, Jeff took Carter camping. It was the first of hopefully many such trips and was a huge success. When they returned, I asked what the best part was. His answer: "I got my own can of pop at dinner and I drank the WHOLE thing!" Not exactly the type of memories we're trying to create, but, hey, it's a start.

Because some construction at Carter's school was delayed when the MN government shut down for a couple of weeks, the school is starting a couple weeks later than originally planned. Since that freed up some time around Labor Day weekend, we decided to go to my brother's place for a few days. Since we haven't visited them since they moved two and a half years ago, we figured it was about time. Also, they had not had a chance to meet Gavin yet.

At the beginning of the trip, we stopped at my parents' house for a day to see my aunt and uncle who were visiting from California. Then we drove on to my brother's place and had a great weekend and I learned several things: 1. My sister-in-law makes awesome peach crisp (or cobbler?). No surprise; she is a great cook. 2. I still can't remember the difference between crisp and cobbler. 3. Jeff and my brother can replace a window in a surprisingly short time. I'm beginning to wonder if Jeff should tackle our windows himself instead of hiring it out...(famous last words) 4. Touring an 1880s town with five kids 5 and under is not only doable, it's really fun. 5. You have to scare a prairie dog to hear it bark. (Just the men and kids went and no, they didn't scare them.) 6. I need some new creative ideas for entertaining kids in the car. (We have a no DVD rule in our car.)

I was also reminded of a few things: 1. It's stinkin' windy out on the prairie. 2. Sharing inside jokes with family is just about as good as it gets. Except for maybe creating new inside jokes. 3. Standing by the no DVD rule is only going to get harder and harder.

On our return trip, we spent an evening with friends that we see far too rarely. We were blessed with wonderful food and great conversation. I love it when conversations with distant friends are as comfortable as if you see them all the time. Our boys had a great time with theirs.



I started this post about a week ago and am finally going to publish it. Hopefully additional blogs will follow about dedication weekend and first day of school...

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Grandparents are the Greatest

Our boys have been blessed with really wonderful grandparents.

We just had a long weekend with my parents and had a great time. The boys were all spoiled and so were Jeff and I. Carter got to make a bird feeder with Grandpa. We put Grandma and Grandpa to work running errands, hanging curtains, and babysitting. We got a date night while they watched the boys. We were planning to put them to work painting, too, but we hadn't gotten enough of the prep work done before they arrived, so we'll have to get them to do that another time. ;)

We get spoiled by Jeff's parents, too. A few weeks ago, they were here to take Carter to the zoo. Oh, my goodness. That boy had a blast. He came home toting his little souvenir binoculars with many stories of all they got to see and do.

Mark and Judi, I know you're looking forward to retirement so you can spend more time with the grandkids, but look out; we have big plans for putting you to work! Just ask Dale and Karen.

We are so grateful to be blessed with wonderfully supportive families. Thank you Grandmas and Grandpas for all you do!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

If you leave a door ajar...

If you leave a door ajar while Gavin is napping, Logan might just barge in when you're busy elsewhere and wake him up. When you discover Logan, you'll whisk him away to his room to find something else to occupy him, hoping Gavin goes back to sleep. When you open the door to Logan and Carter's room, you'll discover that Carter is getting dressed. Carter, who was planning to surprise you by being dressed without being having been told to do so, might be offended. Very offended. He might be devastated that his surprise was discovered and his plan irreparably ruined. He will probably put his pajamas back on in protest. After trying to console him unsuccessfully, you might give up and go back to eating your breakfast, still hoping Gavin will go back to sleep. Then you will hear a door slam. You might react childishly to your child's childishness, and head to his room to read him the riot act for slamming the door. When Carter finally gets a word in edgewise, he will inform you that it was Logan, not him, that slammed the door. You might have to eat humble pie and apologize to you child for yelling at him for something he not only didn't do, but that you shouldn't have been yelling about in the first place. You might have to indicate that you fully expect him to be in his pajamas for the rest of the day, in hopes that he will see another opportunity to "surprise" you. Then you will probably have to give up on Gavin's nap and get him up because he obviously did not go back to sleep with all the commotion. When you put him down for his next nap, you will remember not to leave the door ajar.

Some mornings start out rough, but it's good to be able to laugh about it later.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Update on Gavin

Yesterday Gavin re-entered the world of tests and procedures. We took him back to the U of M for his CT scan and a meeting with the surgeon. Our friend, Mary, was kind enough to take on the job of watching both of the other boys for the whole day, and the boys were thrilled about spending some quality time with Aaron and Grace.

The first thing they did once we got to the imaging center was to work on getting an IV into him so they could inject the dye for the scan. That' not an easy thing on a person with very little veins. The nurse tried unsuccessfully to get it in each hand--there was scar tissue in both hands from the NICU IVs that was blocking the way. So we called in someone from "Vascular Access," which is a team of people who sound like they should have their own reality TV show. They are the IV gurus and can get IVs inserted when no one else can. The lady from Vascular Access had an IV in Gavin's arm in no time and we were ready for the scan once again. With all the poking and prodding he'd been through, Gavin was pretty tired, so when the tech got him all wrapped up and strapped down, he was cozy and fell asleep. He stayed asleep through the scan. The actual scan took just a minute or two and we were on our way to lunch.

Since Gavin was undressed to his diaper and wrapped in hospital blankets, they let us borrow the blankets so we didn't have to wake him up. I felt a little guilty walking to Davanni's with the hospital blanket, but I was glad to be able to keep Gavin asleep and happy. After lunch we went back for our meeting with the surgeon.

Unfortunately, the scan hadn't been read by the radiologist yet, so the surgeon was not prepared for our meeting. In retrospect, it was really a waste of time because we knew more about Gavin's situation than the surgeon. We were, however, able to look at the scan, see the mass, and discuss surgery possibilities.

Shortly after we got home from picking up the other boys, the surgeon called to confirm that the diagnosis is a bronchopulmonary sequestration. Whether or not there is still a CCAM remnant left is irrelevant--the sequestration has the potential to cause heart problems, so it has to come out. Since Gavin is doing so well, we still have a little time, though. Right now, the plan is to wait two months and then go back in for a follow-up visit. The goal is to do the surgery in November, when Gavin is six months old. We are hoping that he will be big enough by then so that the surgery can be done with a scope, rather than opening up the whole chest. The instruments would be too big if we tried to do it that way right now.

We are hoping that the November timeline actually happens. While we want Gavin to be as big and strong as possible, we also want to get this done before before the end of the year when our insurance deductible goes back to $0.

So now we go back to waiting and concentrating on normal life until sometime in October, when we will again return to the world of tests and scans to get another update. We are thankful that Gavin is doing well so far and pray that he continues to be our healthy, happy little boy, growing and developing right on target.

Monday, July 25, 2011

A Birthday, an Allergy Test, and an Amazing Big Brother

Last week Logan turned two. We celebrated with pizza, cake and a water balloon fight. I'm finally starting to admit that my second baby is no longer a baby. He is a happy, passionate, always-hungry, always-moving little boy. Somewhere along the road, he turned into a Daddy's Boy. He asks where Jeff is when he's not around, and his enthusiastic exclamation of "DAAAAAAAA!!" when Jeff comes home from work is completely adorable and melts Daddy's heart every time. He is Jeff's little shadow. When Jeff isn't around, he's Carter's shadow. And when Carter is unavailable, he's my shadow. When did I become a last resort?

But I digress...

Along with a birthday comes a doctor visit. And since Carter is allergic to peanuts and a few tree nuts, I thought it was time we had Logan tested. The doctor agreed that we should test him for peanuts and a variety of common food allergens. A lot of blood is needed for allergy tests, so they had to take it from his arm. To get a two-year-old to hold still for a blood draw, they strap him to a board with Velcro (kind of looks like a big swaddle). This was a little horrifying to Mommy, but Logan handled it like a trooper. He only whimpered a little and signed "all done" with his other hand. It was sad, but it was over before we knew it and Logan got down to business examining the cartoon band-aid.

Today, the doctor's office called with the results. The tests were negative. All of them. No allergies. I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I was just thinking about emailing Jeff the news when Carter, who had overheard the message, piped up. "Negative? What does that mean? Does Logan have a peanut allergy?" An I stopped short as my eyes welled up with tears.

You see, in the last three years, Carter has mentally processed his allergy in several ways. He's asked questions about why he has an allergy and why other kids don't. He's pretended that he is not allergic to peanut butter and everyone else he knows is. Once, I looked a worksheet that he was working on and asked why he had crossed out all the chickens. He told me that they were all allergic to peanuts and that they had eaten some and so they were "all gone". Yikes. Because he doesn't have regular interaction with anyone else who has a peanut allergy, he feels like he's the only one in the world.

So, in spite of the fact that Logan's diagnosis (or lack there-of) is a wonderful thing, I was suddenly struck by the fact that this could make Carter feel even more alone in his situation, so my words tripped over each other as I tried to explain and make it "ok" at the same time: "No, Logan isn't allergic to peanuts, but he still won't get to have them because we still won't have peanuts in the house. So nothing is going to change."

Carter responded, "But it's good that he's not allergic to peanuts. That way, if I ever get not allergic, we can have them."

"Yes," I said, "it's good that Logan isn't allergic."

And that was the end of our conversation. What a kid. I am thankful that Logan appears to be allergy-free. And I'm thankful that Carter is handling it so well. I have such great kids.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Gavin is Two Months Old

This is old news, really. Gavin was two months old on July 6, and he is now over ten weeks old. The time really has gone fast. Having three kids is challenging, but somehow the newborn thing doesn't seem as hard as it used to be.

Gavin had his two month check-up on Wednesday. (Our first doctor visit in SIX weeks! It was a nice break from the world of medicine, but I actually miss my midwife and my MFM doctor a bit. We had such a great team taking care of us.) His two-month stats: weight - 11 lbs. 3 oz., length - 24 inches. He is incredibly healthy in every way except for that pesky area somewhere in his adorable little chest. We have two weeks to go until his CT scan to find out exactly what's going on in there. We're still praying that the mass has disappeared altogether and Gavin won't have to have surgery.

At this point it's hard to think of surgery. We feel like we've left the world of tests and procedures behind and we're totally in new-baby mode. Our greatest concern on any given day is trying to figure out how to juggle everything that needs to get done and still spend some quality time with our boys. If Gavin has to have surgery, it will be hard to hand over our little boy (who appears perfectly healthy and happy) to a team of doctors and nurses. I'm sure Gavin will be as well-taken-care-of through this as he was through pregnancy, but I know it will be hard to hand him over to someone else's care. I just need to keep in mind that he is now and will always be taken care of by his Heavenly Father and that's far better care than I could ever give him.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Great Weekend

We had a wonderful holiday weekend with friends and family. It started on Friday night with dinner with our church Small Group. We had a fun evening and left just as a storm was blowing in. We were very relieved to arrive home in one piece after having to wait out torrential rain and hail under an overpass.

We spent Saturday at Vassars' house, helping re-shingle the roof. The boys and I, of course, were indispensable. We worked hard all day to make sure that food got eaten and all the toys got tested and rearranged. I'm pretty sure Jeff, on the other hand, was up on the roof sunbathing all day. :)

Then on Sunday, we embarked on a brief road trip to Jeff's sister's (our first trip with all three boys). The rest of his family was there for the weekend and most of them didn't know we were coming. Because of a series of minor delays on the way, we happened to arrive exactly when everyone else arrived home from church. The timing was perfect and the surprise was fun. We had a great time. And the boys traveled well enough that we may actually travel with them again. Eventually.

Maggie and Gavin all ready for fireworks
We returned on Monday in time to unload the car and pack it up again, this time for an outing to see fireworks. We met Vassars at Round Lake for an evening of blowing bubbles, chasing balls, snacking, waving sparklers, and watching fireworks. Even the babies liked the fireworks, but it did help that we were prepared. Having an excuse to put a baby in noise-canceling ear muffs really is one of the highlights of the Fourth of July.

All in all, it was a wonderful Fourth of July weekend.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Playing God

Since becoming a parent over five years ago, I've enjoyed observing the parallels between a parent's relationship with a child and God's relationship with us. I love that God has made human relationships reflections (verrrrry imperfect reflections, I might add) of his relationship with us. One parallel that I've observed:

Logan is constantly mad at me for spoiling his fun. I stop him from doing all sorts of wonderful things: climbing on the backs of chairs; running out into the street; eating plants in the yard; stuffing whole bananas into his mouth (you wouldn't think it would fit, but Logan has proven that he can get a lot more in there than you'd think); and stuffing small objects up his nose. This is just the tip of the iceberg, people. All of these things and more sound like really great ideas to him, but they obviously don't to me.

The difference? The ability to see into the future. Not that I can literally see into the future, but I know what is likely to happen if Logan succeeds in getting a hold of the saw that he is so desperately reaching for. He, on the other hand, is clueless.

God can actually see into the future. If I know with my limited knowledge what is good for my son, how much more so does God know what is and isn't good for me? When he directs my path, when he tells me "no," when he throws a wrench into my plans, I may have no idea what catastrophe he is saving me from.

I'm so grateful that I have a heavenly father looking out for me. Because even though I'm all grown up, I still need someone who can see farther into the future than I can to direct my path.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

An Old Story

I was reminded tonight of a story I told on Facebook a couple of years ago. It's a story that brings tears to my eyes, but I love it anyway. It reminds me of how much I need to give up control and trust God. So I thought I'd re-publish it for anyone else who could use a reminder, too.



Carter and I have started listening to "GT and the Halo Express" CDs whenever we're in the car. These are mini audio musicals from back in my day. They tell stories that teach Bible lessons and incorporate songs that are scripture put to music.

So we were listening to a song the other day about "walking through the valley," which, of course, is actually about hardship, but that fact is lost on a three-year-old. Out of the blue, Carter blindsides me with this: "I want to go to the valley, Mom. I want to go to the valley. Will I go to the valley, Mom? Will I? Will I? Will I? Will I? WILL I?"

He was so cheerful and obviously wanted a "yes" answer because whatever "the valley" was, it sounded like fun to him. But I couldn't answer. I have thought too long and too hard about the reality that is contained in the answer "yes".

The fact that my children will suffer in life is something I try not to think about. If I do, I tend to let fear come crashing in. I want to protect them from every imaginable danger. That's my plan, but God's plan is bigger. God is sovereign and He loves my kids even more than I do. So once again, I'm forced to take a deep breath and remind myself that when I cannot protect my kids from hardship, God is in control, and they are much better off in His care than mine.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Blessings

We are in the midst of a baby boom at our church. It's been so fun to share the journey of pregnancy with other women and now we are getting through the ups and downs of having newborns together. I wouldn't trade this experience for anything. But today it was a bit of a challenge for me.

One of my friends tried a certain trick with her daughter and she slept through the night. So another mom tried it and it worked with hers, too. So I tried it too. I didn't expect anything great--all babies are different and I've never had a baby that was a good sleeper early on. But still it was worth a shot.

It didn't make one bit of difference for Gavin. It was what I expected, and I was ok with it at 2 AM. I was ok with it at 5 AM. I was NOT ok with it by 7 AM. I was mad. I thought, Why can't I have one child who sleeps through the night on his own? As I went about my morning and the fog lifted from my brain, I realized just how unreasonable I was being. Gavin is only six weeks old. He has lots of time to figure this out on his own and if he doesn't, we'll still get through it just fine--we always have. But there is still this little nagging thought in my brain that says it's not fair and wonders how I can get some sleep now.

And then in the car this afternoon I heard Laura Story's song, "Blessings." This is the chorus:

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

I was brought to tears as I thought, What if this isn't about Gavin; what if it's about me? If God uses all things for our good, then he's using this for my good. Perhaps there is something I need to learn in the wee hours of the morning. Perhaps this very small, very expected, very normal trial is preparing me for a larger trial or is teaching me something.

I just hope it doesn't take a thousand nights for me to learn it.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Spit-up

Ooo. Fun. Just what you were hoping for when you logged onto the computer, right? A blog about spit-up.

Well that's what's on my mind, so here we go. :) Spit-up is s becoming a bigger and bigger issue here and I'm a little scared. Here's why: we've been through this before with Logan. In spite of our doctor's tips and tricks, that boy spit up large quantities of milk until he was over one year old. I remember Jeff commenting at one point early on that he didn't need to ask me each morning how the night went; he could just count the number of wet pajamas piled by the changing table and he would know. Three was normal; five was a bad night; I think seven was the record. It's hard to get out of bed after having just climbed back in because a little boy just woke himself up by dousing himself with milk. I hope we're not headed there again. I remember our doctor telling me that she usually prescribed reflux medicine for babies with acid reflux, not just reflux, but said, "If you twist my arm, I could be persuaded to prescribe him some." I declined, not wanting to give my baby any medicine that wasn't necessary. Now I wonder what was I thinking?? That could have made nights so much more bearable. We've had to switch doctors since then, but I hope that if Gavin's reflux gets that bad, our new doctor is willing to help us out.


Logan continues to warm up to Gavin. We've only had one rough day recently when he decided to test what would happen if he stepped on or hit the baby. He wasn't angry; I think he was just interested in Gavin's reaction. Hopefully he got the message that those things are unacceptable--he hasn't tried doing either after that day.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Under the Surface

Gavin is such a normal baby. He likes his pacifier. Sometimes. He prefers to be held. Always. He creates laundry like he's got nothing better to do. Oh, wait, maybe he doesn't.

Sometimes I stare at his little chest and marvel at the fact that there's something in there that shouldn't be. (On a side note, Gavin's CT scan is scheduled for August 2. We don't have to do anything else until then.) If it wasn't for the amazing technology we have available to us, we would have no idea something was amiss. We would think he was completely healthy.

I have been reminded by a couple situations lately that all people are like that. We all have things going on under the surface that others cannot see. Sometimes it's physical--a problem is there long before we feel symptoms or get a diagnosis. Other times it is relational or spiritual. The thought occurred to me that I don't pray for my friends and family nearly enough. When everything appears to be going well in someone's life, I don't know how to pray, so I don't. I'd like to be better at that and encourage you to do the same. Don't assume that all is well just because that's how it appears.

But then the question is how? How do you pray for someone when you don't know their specific needs? I don't know the answer to that one, so I'm going to turn it back to you. If you have suggestions for me, I would love to hear them.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Getting Out and About

We went out twice yesterday. It was an amazing feat.

Yesterday morning, I got all the kids ready and out of the house on time. It was my first time taking them all out by myself! I have to admit, though, that it really doesn't count because I was taking Carter and Logan over to a friend's house so I could go to an eye appointment and get contacts. So I really just had one kid with me. I'm excited to finally have contacts again after having just had glasses for several months now. I have them just in time for summer so I can wear sunglasses again.

Getting them out of the house last night was an even bigger accomplishment even though Jeff was there to help. Jeff had a softball game last night that we were all going to watch. I had everything planned out so carefully. Dinner at 5:00. Feed Gavin at 5:30. Leave at 6:00. Get to the park in plenty of time for the 6:50 game. Jeff came home just as dinner was coming out of the oven at 5:00. I knew something was off when he immediately started scrambling to get ready. Turns out the game was scheduled for 5:50, not 6:50. So we ate as fast as we could, packed crackers to supplement the boys' half-eaten supper. and had everyone in the car at 5:25. Amazing! I'm glad we did it. We had a fun time at the game and even let the boys run off some energy at the playground afterwards.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Blogging Diva

I would like to blog more. I can't tell you how many blog posts I've started and not finished since Gavin was born. I have an idea in my mind of what I'd like my blog to be: an honest picture of life in our household; an encouragement to other moms; and a thoughtful assessment of what God is doing in our lives. I have one friend in particular that does an excellent job at that and I would like to follow her example.

But I've recently discovered a problem with my plan: I am a blogging diva. I want to read and reread, edit and re-edit every word that I write and I want to do it uninterrupted. While sipping coffee. And listening to Jason Mraz. I don't want to type one-handed while rocking Gavin, wrestling the mouse away from Logan, and listening to Carter's stories of climbing volcanoes to collect hot lava for the latest recipe that he's creating, which apparently calls for hot lava.

But that's my life right now, so I'm going to try to be less picky about having the perfect blogging conditions and get some blogs written about life in our household. But when there is a lengthy break between blogs, just assume that our household is alternating between frustrating and fun, crazy and calm, busy and boring. Probably a lot like yours. Assume that God is working in our lives and that I'll get around to blogging about it...just as soon as I find my coffee cup. And a pacifier for Gavin. And something to occupy Logan...

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

My Three Sons

 Like any newborn, Gavin's been getting a wide range of opinions about who he looks like and what features are similar to his brothers'. Just for fun, here are pictures of all three boys as newborns. Compare away! :)

Gavin
Logan
Carter

Friday, May 20, 2011

Two Weeks

Gavin is two weeks old today! So far, he's been as busy with appointments as he was in utero, but we expect that to slow down dramatically now. At his two-week appointment today, he weighed in at 7 lb 6 oz, so he is growing well. His echocardiogram on Tuesday reviled nothing to worry about as far as we know. We're pretty sure that they would have called us by now if they had seen something concerning.

We've had family come and go over the last two weeks, which is one of the fun things about having a new baby. Introducing him to everyone is a blast! Over the weekend, Jeff's family (most of them, anyway) got to come to meet Gavin.We went to church on Sunday and showed him off there, too.

On Monday, my dad left for home, and my mom left on Wednesday, which left me wondering, "What exactly am I supposed to be doing around here, anyway?" After having her here for almost a month, I'm not sure I remember how to do dishes or vacuum. It was so nice to have her help for so long. And, amazingly enough, when she left, she wasn't headed for home. My sister had called earlier in the week to ask if Mom could go to help her out with childcare when she was done here. Mom didn't hesitate to agree to be away from home for an additional week and a half. Amazing. Not only that, but my sister and her family had already planned to visit us this weekend to meet Gavin, so they're bringing Mom back for a couple days. What a great deal! ;)

Jeff has been slowly getting back into the groove of work. He worked just a couple hours yesterday, a half-day today, and he'll go back to full time come Monday. It's so great that he has a job that allows him plenty of time-off so that I can ease into taking on all three boys by myself. So far, it's going pretty well. Starting Monday, my MOM'S Club is bringing us meals for a couple weeks, so I'm very excited about not having to worry about meals as Jeff goes back to working full-time. Praise God for good friends!

Logan is doing much better, and Carter continues to be our easy-going Carter. I have realized in the last couple days that with Mom here, I'd gotten used to him having someone else to chatter at. Now that he's back to talking to only me all day, I'm going a little crazy, but I'm sure I'll be used to that again by the end of next week. :) Little Gavin continues to sleep and eat well. I'm sooo grateful for that. Speaking of Gavin, it sounds like it's time for his next meal. Gotta go! :)

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Gavin's First Week

We were not able to go home from the hospital on Monday as we had hoped. Even though Gavin's glucose level was looking good, his urine output was low, so they decided to keep him one more day just to be sure he didn't end up getting dehydrated and having to come back. We were, however, allowed to stop testing his blood sugar before each feeding. That was a relief, since each test required a heel prick. His poor little heels have so many tiny marks from being poked every three hours. On Tuesday, he was eating well and his urine output had increased quite a bit, so Gavin was discharged.

We got home during Logan's nap time, so I wondered what he would think to wake up from his nap to find Mommy and Daddy home with a baby. Logan hadn't met Gavin yet because he was too young to be allowed in the NICU. When he woke up he wasn't too interested in Gavin, but enjoyed opening the present that Gavin "gave" him. Since then, Logan's little world has been greatly shaken, and finding ways to deal with that has been our greatest challenge. The first time Logan saw me breastfeeding Gavin, he pitched a fit. He refused to do anything but sit beside me and cry. Since then, his reaction each time I feed Gavin has varied between crying, getting into trouble, and working for as much attention and lap space he can get. He needs extra TLC when I'm not feeding Gavin, too. He's pretty clingy; he's been sensitive to the smallest of offenses; and he is very demanding. I guess you could say he's acting just like any other almost-two-year-old, but there is definitely a difference between now and before. I am happy to report that in spite of his emotional upheaval, Logan hasn't been hostile to Gavin so far. When Gavin is laying on a blanket on the floor, he is sometimes interested in looking at him and patting his head, but he is never unkind. So far.

Gavin has been a very easy baby in his first week of life. He is eating and sleeping well. My parents are still here helping us out, so it's nice to have an in-home sitter when we need to take Gavin to appointments or run errands (or we have someone to run errands while we stay with the boys). They will go home sometime early this week and Jeff will continue to take time off until late this week, so I have a little more time until I have to try to figure out how to manage with three against one.

On the medical front, we got a call from one of the neonatologists on Wednesday to tell us that Gavin should have another echocardiogram. His heart appeared slightly enlarged when they did the first one. They don't think it's a problem, but as a precaution, they want to do another. Then, when we did his first pediatric visit, the nurse practitioner said she detected a slight murmur, so I'm glad we're going in again to check things out. That appointment is this Tuesday. We still haven't heard about when his CT scan will be.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Gavin's Birth and a Brief Update

Friday, May 6: We started the day with a regular appointment. The resident who checked my progress also stripped my membranes. I was looking ready enough that she suggested that if we wanted to, we could go straight over to hospital and break my water. With my record of one speedy delivery in the past, she thought that would be all it would take to have Baby here pretty fast. We talked about it and decided to go ahead, rather than wait any longer and risk a too-fast-to-get-to-the-hospital delivery. (Not to mention that the doctor we wanted to deliver the baby ended her on-call duty that day and, after months of anticipating an early arrival, the idea of not having him here by Mother's Day/due date had made me cry more than once. Not great reasons to induce, but I just had no willpower to decide to stick it out any longer.)

Having anticipated this possibility, we grabbed our bag from the car and headed to Labor and Delivery. They started antibiotics (for step B) at 11:00. The goal was to not deliver Baby until after 3:00 so that the antibiotics would have time to work, so they didn't want to break my water until close to then. I was having contractions just from having membranes stripped, so we figured we would have ended up going back to the hospital if we had left anyway. They gave me pitocin to see if they could get the contractions going a little more, but by 3:00 I was still only dilated to 4 cm, which is where I was at at the clinic, so that was disappointing. Since we'd hit 3:00 they broke my water (after starting an epidural that only worked on one side). By 3:30 or so, we called them to come back and sure enough, I had gone from 4 to 10 cm in less than half an hour and it was time to push. It took what seemed like forever for everyone (team of doctors and NICU team) to get there, but eventually I was given the green light to push and at 3:55, Gavin was born.

He was breathing on his own from the start, so they let me hold him for a minute. Then the NICU team took him to the other side of the room to check him out. Soon, they gave him back to me for a couple of minutes before taking him to the NICU. Jeff and the doctor went back and forth between Gavin and me, giving me updates on how he was doing and showing me pictures.

They did his echocardiogram and a chest x-Ray. His heart is doing great and the mass didn't show up on the x-Ray, so we are going to leave it be for a while. In two or three months, Gavin will have a CT scan to get a good look at the CCAM/BPS and we'll figure out where to go from there.

We've spent our days going back and forth between my room and the NICU. On Sunday, I was discharged. Gavin is having trouble keeping his glucose level up, so hi is still in the NICU. When I was discharged, however, we got to move to a boarding room in the NICU and Gavin can stay with us in the room, so we get to have him close. We are supplementing breastfeeding With formula to keep his glucose up, which seems to be working, so we are hoping to go home today.

Thanks for all your prayers! We'll continue to update as we're able.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Gavin James has Arrived!

Gavin James arrived safely on May 6 at 3:55 pm. He weighed 6 lbs 10 oz and measured 19 1/2 in. He is breathing on his own and doing really well. Praise God! More later.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

An Ultrasound by Any Other Name...

So today's biophysical profile really seemed like a waste of time. We told them Baby is fine and we were right. Of course I'm glad Baby is doing well, but we didn't learn a thing (except for the definition of a BPP). A BPP is simply an ultrasound where they watch for baby to move, check for practice breathing, measure amniotic fluid, and look for one or two other things. This is all stuff we've been observing all along, and we'll check it all again on Friday anyway, so why the extra appointment? Pardon the soapbox, but I think this is one of the things that is wrong with our healthcare system--this unnecessary appointment was probably made just to keep a doctor from getting sued. It's a shame that doctors cannot use common sense to determine whether or not tests are necessary because they're afraid of a lawsuit. I understand a reasonable amount of caution and want to do everything possible to make sure Baby is healthy, but there is such a thing as overkill.

On the home-front, I have a split-personality when it comes to my attitude about Baby's arrival. I've gotten past expecting him to arrive any second and being ultra-prepared. I feel like it's not going to happen today or tomorrow, so I put off things I should be doing, assuming that I can get to it tomorrow or the next day. But I'm very jumpy about braxton hicks. Every time I have a contraction, I stop to evaluate whether it could be classified as "painful" or if it just falls into the "uncomfortable" category. As if I won't notice when they get painful enough to be actual labor. This is the downside of having had an almost-didn't-make-it-to-the-hospital experience.

Friday, April 29, 2011

38 Weeks and 5 Days

Unless Baby makes his debut today, this will be my longest pregnancy. Weird. Apparently Baby knows that he needs all the time he can get to make his lungs strong before he appears.

Today's ultrasound showed no significant change in the mass. We are keeping an eye on a small pocket of extra fluid around the heart. This is something we've seen for a few weeks now and it hasn't changed. It looks like it's a result of stress on the heart and they aren't worried about it. Baby will have an echo-cardiogram after delivery to check up on heart function just to be sure. This is something we were planning on doing even before seeing the fluid. We did full measurements today and Baby is weighing in at 5 lb. 15 oz. (give or take a pound, since it's hard to see anything accurately at this stage). I'm convinced that he will be over 6 lb. at birth, which would make him my biggest baby. He hasn't grown as much as he "should," which concerned them a little. I told them we went through this with Logan and I just have small babies. The doctor agreed that there is probably nothing to worry about, but she wants to do a little checking just to be sure. So we'll go in on Tuesday for a biophysical profile (BPP), and I think we'll do another one along with our regular ultrasound/OB visit next Friday. That is, of course, assuming that Baby doesn't decide to come before then.

Thanks for your prayers for my grandma. She is still much weaker than before she got sick, but she is eating and talking now. My dad's brother and sister are both with her now, so my dad came back here to wait for Baby. We're so glad things are going better for her and hope she continues to improve.

Monday, April 25, 2011

A Different but Related Prayer Request

God's timing is perfect, yet often annoying. We don't understand what he's up to most of the time. So as we wait for Baby to arrive, we wonder why it has to be now that my 99-year-old grandma has taken a turn for the worse.

It started with a bladder infection that probably caused her immune system to weaken enough for her to get the shingles two weeks ago. She was hospitalized for a while, and when my mom came to stay with us last Monday, my dad stayed behind to be with Grandma. By Thursday, she had been out of the hospital and back in the nursing home for a couple of days. She was weak but doing well, so on Friday morning Dad made the four-and-a-half-hour drive up here. (The weather didn't end up being a problem.) While he was still en route (without a cell phone) we got a call that Grandma was lethargic and unresponsive. Dad stayed here on Friday night, but when we heard that Grandma was doing no better on Saturday morning, he left for home, fearing that she might be slipping away.

When he got there on Saturday, she seemed to improve some. I wonder if it was just because he was there. Now she is still weak, but is at lease responsive. My dad's sister and her husband are on their way to SD, so it's great to know that someone else will be with Grandma, too. 

Please pray for comfort for my grandma. Her dementia has almost completely clouded her mind and she is often scared and confused. And I would also ask for prayer for peace for my family and wisdom to know who needs to be where and when.

Still Pregnant

I feel overdue. I'm not. Not even close. But I think I've been so worried about going early that now that I've passed 38 weeks, I feel like I should be done by now. I'm not mentally prepared to go a full 40 weeks.

Neither is anyone else around here, apparently.

My parents were supposed to come for Easter and then stay until Baby arrived. But last week's forecast in South Dakota was pretty rotten all week--snow/rain every day from Tuesday on. So my mom called me on Monday morning and said she wanted to take advantage of the one nice day in the week and come early just in case this guy decided to come even earlier than Logan. I had been having strong braxton hicks contractions, so I was sure I was going into labor any minute and told her to come. Her early arrival turned out not to be necessary, but it's so great to have her here. Not only do I not have to worry about rushing the boys to a friend's house en route to the hospital, but I've been doing about half as much around the house and twice as much is getting done. :)

On Friday, Jeff packed stuff for himself for the hospital--right down to his toothbrush. He's been living out of the suitcase (as far as toiletries are concerned) since then, just so our departure can be that much faster. He also checks on me periodically if I'm by myself reading or working on the computer to make sure that I'm not in labor and not telling him. It's not very like him to be this nervous.

Everywhere we go, people who know us express surprise that I'm still pregnant. I tell them I'm surprised, too. Every time I call someone, they ask if I'm calling to report big news. I guess the fact that baby is waiting to come is sort of big news.

So at this point, please pray for patience for me (just in case you've stopped praying for that since the last time I asked). I'm uncomfortable and the braxton hicks are annoying. If this baby decides to wait for week 40 or beyond, it could be a long wait for this little guy.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

37 weeks, 3 days

No major news to report from yesterday's ultrasound/OB visit. Everything is looking pretty much the same and as of right now they are still planning to let me go into labor naturally. I expected them to be a little more concerned about an Easter delivery and want to induce early just to be sure that doesn't happen, but they seemed unconcerned, so I'm trying to be, too. I know it's a little early to be so concerned about labor being imminent, but as I've mentioned before, having my first baby at 38 wks/5 days and my second one at 37 wks/5 days certainly gives me cause to believe I won't make it to 40 weeks with this one either. The lady who checked my progress (I don't remember her title; I see so many people there. Was she a resident? a fellow? a student? a doctor? a lady just wandering through?) ventured to guess that I have about a week to go. Only time will tell. I'm going to pray that I get through Easter and after that pray for this baby to come ASAP! Only not in the middle of the night. And not during rush hour. Not that I'm picky.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

I can't wait...

It feels strange to have gone over a week without an appointment and it's also strange to have not updated the blog in as long. So in the interest of avoiding other more important things I have to do right now, I'm compiling a list of things I can't wait to do.

I can't wait...

...to hold tiny little hands in mine.
...to see what Baby's eyes look like. (Will he have Daddy's eyes like the other two?)
...to feel that awesome sense of accomplishment that follows bringing a baby into the world. (Until I realize that I need help walking ten steps to the bathroom.)  :)
...to be able to get socks from the back of the dryer.
...to be amazed at how light Baby feels compared to my two big boys.
...to see how Carter handles being a big brother again. (Logan is another story--not sure I want to see how he handles being a big brother!)
...to be a little spoiled by my husband as I navigate the first couple weeks of recovery and sleepless nights. (Shhh...don't tell him I'm on to him.)
...to have labor and delivery behind me and not wonder whether or not I'll make it to the hospital on time or whether or not I'll be induced or whether or not...
...to know how Baby's lungs are functioning.
...to know when he'll have to have surgery.
...to snuggle a sleeping baby on my shoulder.
...to be able to chase my boys around the couch again.
...to not feel braxton hicks contractions every time I walk up the stairs.
...to write a blog announcing his arrival.

In spite of the discomforts of pregnancy and all that I am eager for in the future, I'm trying to enjoy my last weeks of pregnancy. It's quite possibly the last time I'll get to be pregnant. To feel a little person kicking and rolling around inside of me is a most amazing thing.

"I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future." Who wrote that cheesy line? I don't know, but I can identify. Since I'm not in control, I'm glad I can say that I know God is. So I guess I can wait for all these things for just a little while longer, trusting that God knows how and when each of these things will come about.

Friday, April 8, 2011

35 Weeks and 5 Days

If this pregnancy follows the course that Logan's did, we could be meeting this little guy in two weeks. Logan was born at 37 weeks and 5 days. I know that this pregnancy is unlikely to follow the same course, but I'm nervous about him coming early anyway. And yet, I'm so ready to be done. I'm stressed out by just about everything; I'm emotional; I'm impatient; I'm so uncomfortable. I want this delivery behind me.

We had our first official appointment at the U of M today. It was a long appointment, but it was good. Ultrasound results showed the mass is pretty much the same size as last week. Baby is weighing in at an estimated 5 lb. 4 oz., which is what Logan weighed at birth. At this rate, Baby could easily end up being our biggest newborn. The doctors and nurses that we met today were great. They really made us feel like they cared not only about our medical status, but how we were doing emotionally as well. I really feel good about our choice to go with the Maternal and Fetal Medicine staff rather than the midwife team. We're in good hands.

Because Good Friday messes with our schedule, our next appointment isn't until the Tuesday before Easter. It makes me nervous to go that long in between appointments, but I'm glad to have an appointment close to Easter and hopefully at that appointment I will be reassured that my going into labor over Easter weekend is unlikely.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

34-week Ultrasound and MRI Report

Everything is still looking good. The MRI confirmed last week's measurements and this week's measurements were pretty much the same. (The CVR, for those of you who even remember how we are measuring, is at about .3.) The MRI showed that Baby's right lung is at full capacity--it has recovered well from being squished by the heart. The heart is almost back to where it belongs. The radiologist was able to see some lung tissue on the left side (this is a first), but even on the MRI, it was hard to distinguish between the mass and lung tissue, so we don't know how much lung tissue is there. The MRI also confirmed what we've thought all along--the mass is a combination of BPS and CCAM. Because of the good things we've seen in the last couple of weeks, we are back to thinking that we can wait for Baby to grow a bit before doing surgery.

You may remember that a couple of weeks ago, we decided to switch to the U of M for delivery. Now the transfer of care is actually happening. I'll see my midwife for the last time later today, and from here on out we'll do everything at the U of M. We'll see the same team of doctors who have been monitory Baby, but there are a few more of them at the U of M, so we'll probably be seeing some unfamiliar people again. It's really strange to be "starting over" at this point. The location is different; some of the doctors are different; scheduling is really different, since I can't just call for an appointment--I have to have a doctor request the appointment, since it's not a normal OB/GYN. It makes me a little nervous, but I know there's no reason to be. We made sure to get the phone numbers and instructions for when we go into labor or have questions, so as long as we have a route mapped out to the hospital, we'll be fine. Six weeks (or less) left! Can't wait until we're on the other side of delivery and I can say, "Remember how nervous and confused I was? If only I'd known how well it would all turn out..."

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

33-Week Ultrasound and MRI

Between driving the kids to where they needed to go and getting to appointments today, I managed to arrive everywhere almost on time and not once did I drive into a snowbank! I also didn't have too much trouble with the "no food or drink after 11:00" rule for the MRI. I was worried, since I knew my ultrasound would take from 10:15 until about 11, but I munched on granola and yogurt all morning and then I snuck granola bars in to the ultrasound room with me and it worked out just fine.

The ultrasound was very encouraging today. For some reason, they were able to get a better look at the BPS than last week and were able to measure it. It looks like it has shrunk dramatically in the last two weeks--to about half it's previous size. It's strange, since it had remained the same size for so long before that. But we'll just chalk it up to the fact that God is God and he'll take care of this thing however he sees fit. :) The doctor said that, given this turn of events, she expects Baby to have significantly less breathing trouble than she was anticipating before.

I didn't have too much trouble with the MRI, which was great. My sinuses are doing pretty well, but I took Sudafed beforehand, just to be sure. On the machine I was in, the tube was open on both ends, so that made me feel much less trapped. I figured I could wiggle my way out in an emergency. :) It also helped to keep my eyes closed most of the time and not look at the tube I was stuck in. They let me lay on my side (couldn't have made it that whole time on my back) and listen to KTIS. Unfortunately, KTIS is doing a fund drive this week. Bummer. But it really didn't matter much, since the noises and vibrations from the MRI were louder than the radio and very distracting. I tried to pray, but again, it was too hard to ignore the clicking and whirring. So I just laid there and thought about how uncooperative my wiggly baby was being. :) I was getting restless by the end and was tempted to be uncooperative, too, but all in all, it wasn't so bad. We will hopefully find out the results tomorrow, so I'll put another post up when we know more.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Just when I thought we would start getting more answers than questions...

As the pregnancy progresses and this little guy grows, the mass is getting harder to measure. We've known this for a couple weeks, but I was surprised today when they said they weren't able to get a clear enough shot of the
BPS's margins to measure it. The tissue is losing it's bright appearance on the ultrasound that set it apart from normal tissue, so they can't distinguish between BPS and normal lung tissue anymore. The MRI next week should help us figure that out. Otherwise, it sounds like the weekly ultrasounds will simply check for normal growth and heart function. The heart continues to shift back into place, which gives it a better and better chance of continuing to function well.

The MRI and next week's ultrasound are both scheduled for Wednesday, but we won't know results of the MRI until Thursday. Please pray that I do ok with the MRI. I'm not exactly claustrophobic, but I'm not excited about tight spaces and not really comfortable with the idea of being in such a small space and having to keep my uncomfortably pregnant body still for so long. I also have a nasty cold/allergy flare-up right now, so my sinuses are a mess. Pray that I'll be breathing well by Wednesday--if I'm having a hard time breathing in there, I'll panic for sure.

For all my apprehension about having to do the MRI, I'm excited about getting information from another source. Hopefully we can get some good shots of the BPS and learn a little more about what we're up against.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

U of M, Here We Come!

The results of today's ultrasound where at the same time both expected and surprising. It looks like we are going to transfer to the U of M. We weren't going to make the official call until next week, but a couple of things are making it clear that that is where we need to deliver. That is the short story; now here is the long story with some details that I've probably explained before, but for clarity's sake, I'll reiterate:

The CVR (the increment that is used to measure the mass) is still holding steady, which is what we have come to expect. The length of time that the mass has remained a consistent size indicates that it is mostly bronchopulmonary sequestration (BPS). If the majority of it was CCAM, the doctors would have expected it to continue shrinking. Also on this week's ultrasound, they were able to get a good look at what they call a "feeder vessel." They've seen what they suspected was the feeder vessel before, but haven't confirmed that that is what it is until now. What that means is this: a BPS has a dedicated vessel that feeds it; a CCAM does not. So seeing this vessel is further confirmation that the baby does indeed have a BPS and it's not going to shrink any more. This means that we will deliver at the U of M.


Our doctor also told us that based on the size that the BPS is now and will likely be at birth that we should mentally prepare ourselves for Baby to have surgery sooner (within a few days of birth) rather than later. She said it is likely that he will need help breathing, but how much help is (and probably will remain) a big mystery. I guess that's not new news, but I think I'm just wrapping my mind around the idea that this is really going to happen.

Another thing that we were not expecting today was the news that we are going to go ahead with an MRI in utero. I'm not sure about this; the surgeon said he didn't think that would be helpful. But the doctor thinks it will be for various reasons, so we have it set up for two weeks from today.

We've actually been wanting to just make a decision to switch to the U of M for a while now. Regardless of the size of the BPS at birth, the U of M just seems like the safer choice and we've been tempted to make the call even before the doctors did, just so that we'd have the decision out of the way. But we also didn't want to be paranoid and impatient. So we've been waiting for this decision. Even though it's what we expected and it's a relief to finally know, I find myself processing it as if it were a surprise.

I'm also processing the idea that Baby will likely have surgery early in life. This is starting to feel more real.

I don't know if I've talked about it before, but another concern of mine is that Baby might come early and fast. Carter was nine days early and his delivery was normal. Logan came sixteen days early after a 2.5-hour labor. With a record like that, I'm afraid of going into labor early and fast and ending up not making it to the hospital. I know that a fast labor for #2 doesn't necessarily mean fast labor for #3, but I'm worried about it anyway.

So, prayer requests this week: Continue to pray that Baby stays healthy and the doctors will know what needs to be done and when. Pray that as we near the end of this pregnancy that I will not be anxious about getting to the hospital. (And while you're at it, pray that we do get to the hospital in plenty of time!)