Blessings

We are in the midst of a baby boom at our church. It's been so fun to share the journey of pregnancy with other women and now we are getting through the ups and downs of having newborns together. I wouldn't trade this experience for anything. But today it was a bit of a challenge for me.

One of my friends tried a certain trick with her daughter and she slept through the night. So another mom tried it and it worked with hers, too. So I tried it too. I didn't expect anything great--all babies are different and I've never had a baby that was a good sleeper early on. But still it was worth a shot.

It didn't make one bit of difference for Gavin. It was what I expected, and I was ok with it at 2 AM. I was ok with it at 5 AM. I was NOT ok with it by 7 AM. I was mad. I thought, Why can't I have one child who sleeps through the night on his own? As I went about my morning and the fog lifted from my brain, I realized just how unreasonable I was being. Gavin is only six weeks old. He has lots of time to figure this out on his own and if he doesn't, we'll still get through it just fine--we always have. But there is still this little nagging thought in my brain that says it's not fair and wonders how I can get some sleep now.

And then in the car this afternoon I heard Laura Story's song, "Blessings." This is the chorus:

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

I was brought to tears as I thought, What if this isn't about Gavin; what if it's about me? If God uses all things for our good, then he's using this for my good. Perhaps there is something I need to learn in the wee hours of the morning. Perhaps this very small, very expected, very normal trial is preparing me for a larger trial or is teaching me something.

I just hope it doesn't take a thousand nights for me to learn it.